In Genesis 2:18, God says, “It is not good to be a man alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.” Because of the record that God created man first and then created woman as a helping partner for him, some argue that a husband is not a helper for his wife while a wife is to be a helper for her husband. Shouldn’t we really say that the husband is the suitable helper for her wife? Most people who say that a husband is not a helper for his wife generally have a patriarchal notion of male dominance between husband and wife. They understand that a helper is someone who assists a superior or more important one. However, it is worth noting that the Bible often refers to God as a helper. For example, in Psalm 30:10, David says, “Hear, O Lord, have mercy on me. Be my helper, O LORD.” Therefore, we need to understand that a helper is not the one in an inferior position, but rather a person with the ability to help. Then, is a woman more capable than a man? Some argue that Eve is more perfect because she was created later than Adam. But it cannot be appropriate, either. Rather, we should see Adam as a being in need of a helper and Eve as a being who needs a helper like Adam. In addition, just as Eve was created with the ability to help Adam, so it is appropriate to consider Adam as a being with the ability to help Eve. In other words, both husband and wife need help from each other and at the same time have the ability to help each other. Therefore, it is proper to understand that helping between husband and wife is a mutual relationship, not a one-sided relationship. We should say that a couple is created as mutual helpers suitable for each other. When a couple is said to be suitable helpers for each other, what does it mean by that? Above all, a suitable helper is a being who makes his or her spouse realize that he or she is the being for a personal relationship. The original Hebrew word for the word translated “suitable” is neged (ֶנ ֶגד ֶ֫ ), which means “opposite to”. That means that Adam and his wife Eve were created to face each other to meet each other’s needs. Among all the needs of a person, the relational need is the foremost important need since humans were created in the image of God who is a relational being. Therefore, a suitable helper can be understood as the one who is suitable to make personal relationship with his or her partner. Between two people who are in personal relationship, one cannot be subordinate to the other. In order for a husband and a wife to be truly suitable helpers or helping partners, an equal personal relationship must be premised between them. As helping partners, a couple must respect each other so that each can meet relational need of the other person. In order to respect each other, husband and wife must be able to value and appreciate the other's existence itself truly regardless of whether their spouse gives them any benefit or not. A true personal relationship between two people can only be created when they value and respect each other. Martin Buber, who classified human relationships into I-thou and I-it relationships, says that as humans, we can form I-thou relationships with others when we perceive them as subjective beings like us, not as something for a certain purpose. According to him, when we accept the other person into our own lives, we can form an I-thou relationship, that is, a personal relationship with the other person.1 On the other hand, when we perceive the other person as an object for a certain purpose, we fail to establish a genuine personal relationship with the other person. According to Buber, two people in I- thou relationship treat each other with their whole being. When we treat other people as who they are, we establish a personal relationship with them with all our heart. When we do that, we can truly appreciate each other's existence. However, when we treat each other partially or as an object of evaluation, the I-thou relationship disappears, and the I-it relationship takes its place.2 Human beings are relational beings who have no choice but to feel lonely as a single person. C.S. Lewis, in his book The Four Loves, says that we discover our own loneliness at the moment when we recognize ourselves. Therefore, human beings are essentially beings who need someone else. More specifically, Lewis says, humans are in need of others physically, emotionally, and intellectually.3 If a man feels lonely when he is alone, a woman also feels lonely when she is alone. The reason is that God, who exists in the Trinity, created human beings in his own image. God, who shares personal fellowship between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as independent persons, was not pleased with Adam alone when hie created him. Since his intention was not fully realized, he created woman after he created Adam. God completed the creation of human beings by creating woman as a helping partner of Adam. For this reason, not only wife should help husband, but husband should also help wife. Otherwise, a wife becomes an object with instrumental value to a husband instead of an object of personal relationship, and that is not what God intended. In fact, the ultimate object of our I-thou relationship is God, which also means that the source of the I- thou relationship is God. In other words, the origin of the I-thou relationship lies in the Triune God, who establishes the I-thou relationship between the three persons in himself. He also establishes I-thou relationship with human beings he created in his image. Moreover, he expects all human beings created in his image to establish I-thou relationship with one another. Such a personal relationship between husband and wife should extend to parent-child relationship and relationships with all other people. In short, husband and wife are created to help each other. As helping partners, they should primarily play a supportive role in helping their spouse to reflect God’s image well, and at the same time, they should help each other so that they can reflect God’s image together. To this end, husband and wife should be able to establish I-thou personal relationship with each other by appreciating the existence of their spouse and respecting each other. (Jin Gyung Park/Yang) ------------- 1 Martin Buber, I And Thou, translated by Ronald Grefor Smith, (Kindle edition, 1957), 12-64. 2 Martin Buber, Ibid., 24-29. 3 C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, (London: William Collins, 1960), 2. |
