Wise
Investment 2 In the previous article, I talked about the
importance of eye contact, which is the first step that parents should take to
help their children grow up emotionally healthy. Through eye contact with their
children, parents are sending their children the message, “You are important.”
Through this message, children feel their parents’ love and develop the sense
of self-esteem. When
children feel their parents’ love, they experience happiness and develop
internal self-esteem. This happiness and self-esteem serve as nutrients that
protect the children’s internal health throughout their lives. In addition to
loving eye contact, parents can convey the message “You are important” to their
children in many ways. There is no one who does not love their children, but if
they do not convey such messages to their children, the children will not be
able to feel their parents’ love. Without feeling this love, the children’s
internal nutritional status will inevitably become poor. Gary
Chapman and Ross Campbell, co-authors of the book, The 5 Love Languages of Your Child, say that there is an emotional tank in the human
heart that needs to be filled with love. Instead of love, the emotional tank
can be filled with anger, sadness, or confusion. Such emotions act like toxins
that eat away happiness and self-esteem. However, if we can fill our children's
emotional tank with love, our children can grow up to be happy and have healthy
self-esteem. Chapman
and Campbell categorized the ways to make children feel loved into five major
categories. The first of them is “Words of Affirmation” When we say to our
children the words of affirmation, those words fill their emotional tanks with
love. Words of comfort, words of praise, words of encouragement, prayers for
our children, words of gratitude, sometimes words of apology, or direct
expressions of love such as “I love you~” are words that can fill our children’s
emotional tanks with love. The
second is skinship, which Chapman and Campbell call “Physical Touch”. Skinship
refers to physical contact with love. Rubbing a child’s cheek with our cheek,
kissing, holding hands, patting the shoulder or back, hugging, carrying, etc.
are all touching parts of the body, and these actions help children feel the
warmth of their parents’ love. The
third one is called “Quality Time’. It is time spent together. Being together
does not mean just being there, it is having a meaningful interaction with the
child. Sometimes, just being there with the child can convey love to the child,
but playing with the child, watching a movie together, shopping together,
reading to the child, lying down and talking with the child, exercising
together, etc. are good opportunities for children to feel their parents’ love.
The time spent doing these activities with the child can be said to be a time
to fill the child’s emotional tank with love and happiness. Children realize
that their parents consider them important when parents play with them. The
fourth is “Acts of Service”, which is a helping hand or a caring hand. Changing
diapers for a newborn, preparing food for the child, feeding the child, and
washing clothes can all be said to be caring for the child. It is said that
young children feel gratitude when such things are done for them. Also, as
children grow up, they feel gratitude and fill their emotional tank with love
when parents help them with things that they cannot do on their own. However,
parents need to differentiate acts of service from interference. In many cases,
doing things for children that they can do for themselves is not an act of love
but interference. The
fifth is “Gifts”. Giving gifts is also a great way to express love. Receiving
gifts on special days like birthdays or Christmas is a great joy for children. A
gift does not need to be expensive. The key to a gift is to put your heart into
it. You can give a framed photo of your child or make a favorite dish for your
child. If you give a gift with a card, you can see a synergy effect because the
love is conveyed through the words written in the card. Usually, gifts are
things that can be seen and touched. But they do not have to be material
things. Words of affirmation, acts of service, or quality time can also be
gifts. In
addition to the five ways above, another good way to convey love to your children
is to listen to them sincerely when they talk. Sometimes adults do not pay
attention when children talk. However, if you listen to your children with
sincere attention, you are sending the message to your children that they are
important and what they are saying is worth listening to. When you do this, you
can instill healthy self-esteem in your child. Self-esteem formed in this way
becomes the inner strength to overcome difficulties when they encounter
difficult situations in life. One
of the benefits of listening to your children with sincerity is that they will
also listen to you. Children whose parents show genuine interest when they are
talking will listen to their parents, embracing the values their parents hold
important including the faith of their parents. The same goes for all other
love languages. Children who grow up feeling loved by their parents will repay
their parents with love. Therefore, filling children’s emotional tank with love
is not only good for the children, but also for their parents. And this kind of
mutual love will become internal nourishment for children as they grow up,
giving them the strength to live their lives with courage even when things are
difficult and hard. In this way, filling your child’s emotional tank with love
is truly a wise investment. (Jin gyung Park/Yang) |
