Children are a gift given to parents. But this gift is a gift with life, a living gift. A living gift differs from other gifts in that it is received with a responsibility to take care and not just to enjoy. Furthermore, although children are a gift given to parents, they are not the belongings of their parents. Rather, children are a gift of relationship and responsibility. Children provide joy to their parents by their existence itself. The relationship of love with children must be a gift that enriches and blesses parents' life. However, children are free and independent beings who should not be considered as the belongings of parents and confined to their parents. Through the care of parents, children must grow and eventually live their own life independent of their parents. Therefore, raising children can be said to be the process of making children independent. Even if parents work hard for their children, if their children do not develop the ability to live their own life, all the efforts put on them by their parents can be said in vain. In other words, raising children is about helping them develop the ability to live an independent life. Children are the beings who must leave their parents when they grow up. Though the parent-child relationship lasts a lifetime, they must live their own life. In fact, from birth, children need to prepare to live on their own. Everyone needs to be prepared to live an independent life. First, children learn how to spoon, walk, and speak. Then, they go to school and study many subjects to know how to interact with other people and how to develop their talents to live in the society. In the process of their learning, parents want to somehow help their children. But some parents do not distinguish helping their children from doing things for them that the children need to do for themselves. Then the problem starts. When parents do things for their children instead of letting them think and do things for themselves, their children stop growing to learn how to live on their own. The reason that parents do things for their children instead of letting their children do for themselves is because they do not want their children to make mistakes. However, if parents do not want their children to make mistakes and do things for their children always, the children will be afraid of doing things for themselves. Aristotle, a famous Greek philosopher, said, “If there is something you must learn before doing something, you learn it by doing it. (For the things we must learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them.)” This phrase implies that a person learns from mistakes while continuing to try something. Therefore, parents need to learn to see their children make mistakes. Otherwise, the children will always be dependent on their parents. To become a real adult, a child needs to have courage to make mistakes. Not only the child but also his or her parents need to have courage to see their child make mistakes. Otherwise, their child will never learn to live an autonomous life for himself or herself. What is important is psychological independence. If a grown child is still psychologically dependent on his parents, he or she is not ready to live a life of his or her own. Psychological independence, which can be said to be the key to a child's autonomous life, must occur not only for the child, but also for the parents. Parents should be able to let their children go. In addition to preparing their child for an independent and autonomous life, parents need to resist the temptation to continue to interfere with them. In order to do that, parents must practice not to be attached to their children. Excessive attachment leads to possessiveness. True love must be distinguished from possessiveness, and parents must be able to resist the instinctive desire to own the life of their child. Letting go of a child is not an easy task. Because a child is precious to parents, it is easy for parents to want to help more and do more for their child. However, wise parents are the ones who know how to let their child go so that the child can live his or her own life.
(Jin Gyung Park) |
